As you've heard me say a million times, when I got here... I didn't know how to define myself, but I had an idea of who I wanted to be. It seemed so distant.
I remember one night, when I was still here by myself, submersed in humdity, heat, and jet lag, I started to think of who and what I wanted to be when I left here.
I already couldn't sleep, but the ideas turning in my head definitely kept me up. I had to write them down on some post-its.
That was over 4 months ago. I put them away in an envelope with pictures I brought with me. I forgot about them.
Right now I'm listening to music, and just finished cleaning. I curled up into my bed to look at the photos. When I pulled out the photos, the post-its fell onto my bed.
This is what I had written:
1. Travel.
2. Workout.
3. Be/Eat Healthy (mind and body)
4. Lose Weight (Be a size 6/8, get to a weight of 140)
5. Be Outdoorsy
6. Be Open
7. Be confident
8. Use Day Planner Every Day
These are my personal goals. These don't need to be anyone else's goals. This is what I need to feel healthy and content. I've reached all of these. Some of them still are a work in progress.
Depending on what brand I buy, I've gotten to a size 8, I'm a size 10 in some pants. I weigh 140. I truly feel healthy in body and mind. And the confidence is getting better.
Some of these goals are superficially mandated by the subconscious messages of advertising and standards of society. And unfortunately, they're ingrained in me, and I've very much fallen victim to them... and always will be.
But I'm not doing it in a harmful way. I'm not striving to get myself to an unhealthy size. I just want to be healthy and strong in every way possible. And I think that's okay.
I remember one night, when I was still here by myself, submersed in humdity, heat, and jet lag, I started to think of who and what I wanted to be when I left here.
I already couldn't sleep, but the ideas turning in my head definitely kept me up. I had to write them down on some post-its.
That was over 4 months ago. I put them away in an envelope with pictures I brought with me. I forgot about them.
Right now I'm listening to music, and just finished cleaning. I curled up into my bed to look at the photos. When I pulled out the photos, the post-its fell onto my bed.
This is what I had written:
1. Travel.
2. Workout.
3. Be/Eat Healthy (mind and body)
4. Lose Weight (Be a size 6/8, get to a weight of 140)
5. Be Outdoorsy
6. Be Open
7. Be confident
8. Use Day Planner Every Day
These are my personal goals. These don't need to be anyone else's goals. This is what I need to feel healthy and content. I've reached all of these. Some of them still are a work in progress.
Depending on what brand I buy, I've gotten to a size 8, I'm a size 10 in some pants. I weigh 140. I truly feel healthy in body and mind. And the confidence is getting better.
Some of these goals are superficially mandated by the subconscious messages of advertising and standards of society. And unfortunately, they're ingrained in me, and I've very much fallen victim to them... and always will be.
But I'm not doing it in a harmful way. I'm not striving to get myself to an unhealthy size. I just want to be healthy and strong in every way possible. And I think that's okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment