Being.

I sometimes secretly (I guess not so secretly now), wish that I could always walk around with a little video camera on me at all times, so you guys can see what it is like to be here, and share these experiences with me. 

Sometimes words can't really express exactly what you see or feel -- it's so hard to verbalize it. Today I had one of those moments. Kind of like my "running in the rain" experience. 

This morning I went running with my roommate Nathaly at Giardini Margherita, I'm kind of obsessed. We ran separately and the weather was perfect. Sort of cold outside, but once I got running and warmed up, it felt so great to run in patches of sunlight and be warmed by the sun. 

We agreed we would meet up at the usual spot where I do exercises in between, or after, laps. After doing some exercises while I waited for Nathaly, I sat in the grass, by the water for awhile. The sun felt amazing, and the breeze was gently blowing and sifting through the grass around me and making tiny little ripples in the water. Dew was on the grass and twinkled in the sunlight. It was seriously so beautiful. Afterward, Nathaly and I took a last lap around the park, and it was so cool to pass through the pathways that are surrounded by trees and be immersed in Fall. 

On our walk back, we just talked about the differences between here and the United States, and believe it or not, started to talk about how much we (particularly I) do not want to leave. 

Her and I have very similar pasts; we like making everyone happy,  we never really feel settled because we always feel like we need to have people's approval, or we always need to be doing more. 

And as we were walking, we both came to the conclusion, that for the first time in our lives, we are both finally content with being me, and just being. Not trying to be something else, or someone else. 

Of course there is the beautiful quote: "do more than exist." But where do people draw the line between settling for a "mediocre" life, and stressing themselves out to the point where they aren't enjoying the present? 

For now. That balance is reached. And I hope I really remember what that balance feels like, and never let it go.