Every little thing, is gonna be alright.

As I listen to my favorite music, and wind down for the day, I find myself being overwhelmed with a sense of complete and total gratitude.

With this blog, I have tried to be as real as possible with how this experience is actually going.

I don't want to sugar coat it, fabricate it, or exaggerate it. I don't want to come off as entitled, or come off as ungrateful. 

The first month and a half here was rough. One of the roughest transitions I've ever had. As my sister Vivian said, "Life kind of kicked you in the figurative balls."

That it did sister. That it did. 

Before arriving here, I felt so detached from life. I lacked a feeling of presence, and I felt so alienated from the positive, optimistic person I recall being over 2-3 years ago.

I used to be so keenly interested in discovering the details and secrets of my surroundings and the people who crossed paths with me, excited to uncover the beauty embedded in every living and non-living thing. 

And some how, one day, those views that seemed to trademark my persona, just slipped away without warning. I became bitter, angry, and almost careless. 

So when I arrived and felt lost and detached from people, and was slapped in the face with some real, real, serious epiphanies, all I could think, (while I laid on the ground in fetal position, holding my injured man junk) was, "I just need to [get up off the ground and] keep moving forward." Even if it was one measly baby step at a time. Even if I didn't know where I was headed. 

And let me just tell you, I needed that kick in the balls. I needed to just completely fall on my ass and feel EXTREMELY stupid and broken for awhile. 

I have taken this opportunity abroad to really think about who I want to be, and how I want to reshape myself. Like I posted in an earlier blog, I really did need some time in a beautiful place to clear my head.

Am I still clueless on what I want to do for the rest of my life? Well, (like, toats, obvs) duh! 

But am I more in tune with who I am, what makes me happy, and what my outlook on life is? Definitely. 

I have realized who my support system actually is. Distinguishing the strangers from acquaintances, acquaintances from friends, and friends from the people I absolutely can't live without. 

I am beginning to remember the pride I used to take in myself, and the value of me, which everyone in my support system has been trying to make me remember, see, feel, and believe. 

And most importantly, my sense of awe and wonder about life, and about others has been restored. I catch myself, once again, thriving off the uncovering of details. I missed considering myself as a "detail-oriented" person. I miss finding the beauty in the simplest of things, and just being completely overwhelmed with how fascinating this life can be. 

I still have a lot to learn and uncover here, (SO much actually), but I feel so refreshed now, and for the first time in awhile, I feel like "me" again.

On top of having all of these different epiphanies, being reunited with my family was a perfect way for life to say, "Hey, guess what? Errthang is going to be okay." 

And in fact, it is more than okay. It is simply and utterly beautiful. 

(more pictures to come in a different post)