Videos of my walk from Giardini Margherita

So these videos are terrible quality. It's going to be super bouncy, and my camera is mainly going to be facing the ground because people were looking at me weird, but if you just wanna have these videos playing while you're doing something else, go for it :) 

Lessons

The last week had been a mix of shenigans: 
Snow ball fights in the middle of the street (all of us being 20+ years old), 14+ people in my kitchen -- all with their own pizza. Dancing the night away, laughing until you can't breathe, lazy mornings, earl grey tea, laughs, hugs, aperitivos, BUT ALSO SO MUCH STUDYING. And my first cannoli. 

Through the past week I've been kind of summarizing what are the greatlest lessons I've learned here. It all kind of started when my friend Ryan asked me and my friend Chloe what is the one thing we've learned from being here. But, it was so hard to choose one thing. So, here's the list:

1. Things will happen in time. 
This isn't really a positive look out, necessarily. It's more of a "life goes on" outlook. You don't need to know the solution now, because one will eventually arise, whether it's good or bad, WHO KNOWS. But just keep doing one step at a time, because every step is a step forward. Even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see the tunnel; just step. 

2. Be patient, go with the flow, and relax. 
There are some situations you can control in life. You can do everything in your power to make something happen, but sometimes you have to wait on other people to finish the other half of a transaction. Or maybe you have a goal in mind and you feel like you're working so hard for it, but nothing has happened yet. Well, to you I say (in light of number 1), be patient. Go with the flow and breathe. 

3. Live YOUR life. 
If you want to do something, do it. Save up for it. Even if it's a dollar a day. If you want to break a habit, start a habit, be or feel a certain way, just start taking those little steps to get in that direction. I think society sets too many standards for what it means to be an "acceptable and working member of society." Life isn't just about work. Life is about, well... life. The things that matter to you. Yes, we technically need money to function in our society, but your life is still your life. Make of it what you want. It's never too late or too early to do something. 

4. Cook, always cook. 
You make so many connections with people when you're cooking. You create something together. It's great. I've gotten pretty experimental here with cooking. But, I've realized I like cooking for others, and not really for just myself. Sooo, if you're ever down for a meal, just let me know :)

5. Say what's on your mind. 
Be on honest and upfront, even if it makes the other person a little uncomfortable because it's better to say what you've always wanted to say, or say what you need to say, then let it go. Usually the consequences of not saying anything will probably be much worse. I rather spend my whole life saying, "Well that was embarrassing," than wondering "What if." But, this isn't an excuse to be an ass. Words can still hurt, so be kind with your words. 

6. Layers are important. 
I don't mean this in an elitist way, but people have different layers, different things that interest them. If you feel sad or limited when you're hanging out with someone, you don't have an obligation to them .This doesn't make them a bad person. But why limit yourself, or make yourself unhappy. This isn't to say you have to disconnect this person from your life, just maybe don't expect them to identify with your same layers or don't make them your entire life.

7. And finally... (a quote I saw today): 
"Where you invest your love, you invest your life." 
I get what the original meaning of this is, but I'm going to spin it. Just love your life. Love the things and people around you. Love this beautiful world. Love the fact that you're breathing, that you can move, that you have two legs and two arms. I'm going to invest my love in the moments that happen from minute to minute. The things I see when I'm walking. The textures I touch, the sounds I hear, the foods I taste, and the emotions I feel. And I'm going to love every last minute of every high and low that I'm experiencing because at the very least... I'm alive. I think that's my goal.

5 Months

5 months. My life is completely changed.

I just took a break from studying to make some earl grey tea for me and my roommate Nathaly. We're studying like mad. 

Stefano just left to go home for the next week. But Nathaly leaves to do some traveling on the 23rd, and doesn't get back into Bologna until a few hours after I've already left for the States. 

It's so weird to think that the 5 of us won't all be together again for a very long time. 

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of savoring the last bites of our favorite foods, the last talks, the last laughs, and the last hugs, for the next few years. 

Yesterday I went into my favorite bakery in Bologna. It's across the street and the owners are so nice. They recognized me, and asked me where I'm from,  and how long I've been here. I said I've been here for 5 months, but I'm going back in a couple weeks. 

(In Italian) they responded and said, that must have been a beautiful period of time to meet people, get close with people, and make new connections.

I paused, and smiled, and said yes... yes it was. 

Seasons

She drifted through the waves of the year. 

Blowing with the tide. 

Sifting through the sand. 

The bladed grass. 

The dried, crispy leaves. 

And the melting snow. 

She gracefully danced between the changing seasons, 

watching them bleed together. 

She felt the rhythm and the beat.

The air heaved and hoed. 

The trees applauded and cried. 

She let the rain hit her face. 

Washing, pounding, cleansing. 

She refreshed herself, refreshed her heart, 

with the rise of every sun, and the 

setting of every moon. 

She breathed.  

I think seasons are absolutely beautiful. I love seeing the way things morph, take on new colors, new scents, and textures. The way the air gets crisper as November draws nearer. The way your skin feels as summer approaches. 

I don't necessarily have a favorite season. They all take on a certain connotation for me. 

Spring - prosperity, new things, settling into my routines. flowers.

Summer - remaking yourself, being free, summer nights, twinkling city lights, spinning in circles with your hands in the air so you can feel the breeze hit you in different ways. beach. 

Fall - cooking, cuddling up inside, jumping in leaves, rainy days, wrapping up your goals for the year. orange. 

Winter - reflection, finals, cold, family, hugs, baking, christmas, giving. snow. 

I love feeling the waves of the seasons, the months, the years. I love trying to adapt to the new feeling that reverberates through the air.

Earlier, I was curled up in my bed watching Bones, exhausted - yet feeling satisfied - after a long day of studying. It was raining outside. The sound slamming against the side of house. 

It was comforting. It has been warm in Bologna for the past few weeks. And by warm, I mean a blazing 50 degrees. 

Then, it got quiet. I looked out my window and snow was scattering through the air. I opened the window, and as I saw my first snowflake ever, I started to quietly cry. 

A new season is upon me. Another season of changes, triumphs, losses, gains, beauty, the unknown, and the known is upon me. And as I knelt on my bed, holding my arms open so the snow could fall on me, I literally felt myself opening up to the New Year. 

Housemates

I'm obsessed with the people in my Bologna life. 

My housemates. The people in my program. MARIA. The Italians I've met. The Spaniards I've met. My program advisers. And even strangers. 

During the days I've been studying like mad, then I've been occasionally going out dancing with everyone in my program. 

3/4 housemates are back from their vacations, Dani is getting here next week, and Camilla went home for the weekend. 

I was talking with my housemates Stefano and Nathaly last night, and I think we all realized just how much we're going to miss each other. We've all helped each other through some serious milestones. 

My housemates are there when I need to talk about something serious, when I want to be a goober, when I want to go out dancing, when I want to stay inside in my sweats all day, when I want to cook... anything. 

Last night we all went out and this morning we all slowly woke up. I cooked potatoes with rosemary, sea salt, and garlic. And then made everyone scrambled eggs with a huge ball of mozzarella thrown in. Maria joined us because she spent the night, and this is going to be her home beginning February 1st! We all just sat and talked at the table. It's so easy. 

My housemates really are special to me. We've all agreed that there will be many reunions to come in the future! I can't wait. 

ON TOP OF THE WORLD

....well, sorta. 

I just finished 3 Italian books in 4 days. That is, I just read 3 Italian books front to back, completely in Italian, and understood what I was reading.

To date I've read 4 Italian books starts to finish and I have a few more to go. 

Still have final exams coming up, but man... I'm feeling pretty great right now considering I was too scared to even order a coffee when I got here because I was scared about how bad my Italian was going to be. 

I will now proceed to go dance around my room. That is all. 

Molte cose

Ci sono molte cose che posso dire. Sono così felice.

I miei genitori mi hanno mandato un grande pacco per Natale e il mio compleanno. Era belissima! Grazie per tutto :)

In altre notizie, sono molto contenta di dire il mio italiano è stata migliorata! E' incredibile quando si può parlare con qualcuno chi - due, tre, quattro mesi fa - non sarebbe stato possibile di parlargli! 

In un certo senso, è strano per me di pensare che quando sono arrivata qui, non era facile per me di parlare in italiano. Ho avuto paura, non ho saputo tutto il vocabolario. 

Ma adesso, penso che sono fluente, e un grande vocabolario non è  così importante . Non posso parlare di ogni soggetto, ma TU PUOI parlare di ogni soggetto in inglese, penso che no. Almeno, io so che non posso farlo. 

Ma, devo andare di studiare. Ho finito due libri italiani, e ho alcuni più!

Ciao ragazzi! Buona giornata! 

Grateful

I feel grateful every second of every. single. day. That's not an exaggeration.

With every experience I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude for what my family, and especially my parents (I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD), have done to get me here.

The sacrifices you both made to get me to this point in my life, metaphorically and literally, is just so incredible. The love you have given me, the example you have showed me, and the lessons you have taught me have all given me the tools to appreciate the world. To appreciate people, and life. Moments, music. Food, conversations. Learning.

Thank you for always showing me the value of what really matters. 

I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to go to Berkeley. 

I'll be sad to leave here, but I feel so lucky that I'm returning to my amazing family, and one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I'm excited to savor my last days here. And I'm excited to give you guys the biggest hugs in the entire world, and to see your lovely faces. 

Believe Me

Sometimes it's really frustrating when you're willing to put so much trust in others, but they won't put trust in you. What's up with the world some times?

When I say how I feel, I mean it. And if you don't remember me saying it, then maybe my words aren't that meaningful to you. 

If I say I appreciate, love, like, am happy for, adore, admire, miss, can't live without, or care about you... I mean it. 

I always speak from the heart. If I'm telling you those things, it's a deep feeling.  I don't throw that around. Every person reading this knows this. I just wish others did.

So, to the rest of the world, don't throw those feelings back in my face. Don't throw feelings back into anyone's faces.

It hurts. A lot.

I get it, not everyone is going to be that trustworthy. But dude. People need to lighten up some times and let themselves open up to others. Regardless of what happened in your dark past. We all have pasts. We all have battles.

Just because I'm being nice doesn't mean I want something from you. I'm just being nice. Try it some time. Otherwise you're going to be treated exactly how you treat others. So don't be surprised if I decide to start giving you a cold shoulder. You threw shit in my face. That doesn't taste good haha.

Family and friends, thanks for not doing this to me. It's much appreciated. 

Watching

Talked with a good friend of mine today -- we always have the best heart-to-hearts, and I had some serious epiphanies. 

At one point they said, "Do you think people's true character comes out when no one else is watching." 

I said yes. I think that's so true. From two different angles. 

I think of course, there are some people who can make you feel more in tune with yourself then you could ever imagine, who just bring out the best in you. 

But there's also people who bring out the worst. Or maybe just show who you really are? 

And then there's those moments where people are watching, but they aren't the one who set the expectations for your character. So you act completely differently. 

I think people are also themselves the last seconds before they go to bed. Those moments when your curled up with your head against the pillow, and your mind is wandering.

I think people are themselves when they wake up, do their routine, and get themselves ready for the day; trying to prep themselves for their own battles that they have to face every day. 

And, 

I think people are really themselves on Sundays. When you have nothing else to do. It's your day to let loose, lay down in bed all day, walk aimlessly, dance around in your underwear, eat breakfast at 2pm. Whatever you want, it's yours. 

I wish people, including myself, could be myself more often. Fulfilling the expectations of peers and society can be pretty rough some times. But I think what's even rougher, is not showing the people in your life who you really are. 

So, I think my New Year's Resolution this year is:

Let every single day, moment. hour. second; be Sunday, your head on the pillow. 

22

Well peeps. I'm the deuce deuce. I'm the dos dos, the due due.

The twenty-two.

Weird age. 

My birthday was great. To sum it up: 

Lazy morning with music, cleaning, and dancing in my room. Receiving the most touching birthday wishes ever, thanks guys! Two baguettes and two balls of mozzarella with Jessica Chan, while we watched the last two episodes in Season 7 of Dexter (WHICH WERE SO INTENSE!). Getting ready for dinner with Morgan, her friend Sierra, Lara, and her sister Katy. Rigatoni, Steak and french fries, meat balls, tiramisu, and wine. Having friends come over. Wine, Champagne, and all other sorts of goodies. SEEING MARIA for the first time in 5 months. Dancing the night away. Laughing. Coming home, ordering Maria's first Margherita pizza for her. Passing out.

Thanks to everyone, near and far, who made this day so great.

I'm listening to this song write now, and I feel so awkward that this was my favorite song when I was 15, and now I'm 22.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR-qQcNT_fY

BUT... guys, we've got time no matter what our age.

I don't think a quote has ever been so fitting  before. Thanks Bourdain, for reaffirming my desires. My dreams. 

NYE

I'm always amazed and terrified by life all at the same time. 

I'm scared of the unknown, yet so smitten by the fact that there are infinite possibilities for how any second, minute, hour, or your day, can unfold. 

My New Years Eve was great. But if we had done a number of things differently, we wouldn't have met these incredible people. 

Lara, Morgan, Morgan's friend Sierra, and I all got ready together at Morgan's house. We were running a little bit late, and had to run to the train station in heels.... At least I know now that I could definitely get out of sticky situations/save myself if I was ever wearing heels! Life skills for the win? I've never received so many mixed reactions from people in my entire life. 

With literally 3 or 4 minutes before our train was supposed to leave, we arrive at the station panting. Check our train, and it says to go to Binario 4. We continue to run, get to the platform, slip onto the train, and while we're sitting down we realize that the train we are on is going to Firenze, but.... the train numbers don't match up. 

Before we can do anything about it, the train sets off. Turns out, this train and our original train were running late. Just happened to be a huge coincidence that our train was late, also going to Firenze, and would soon be arriving at the same Binario. 

The staff on the train let it slide. Amazing people. If we had taken our actual train, if they didn't just let it "slide," we wouldn't have met these people. 

We get to Florence, wander, have random interactions. I gawked at the Duomo. It's been almost 7 years since I've seen it. Seven. Whole. Years. 

We went to a club and stayed there for a bit. If we hadn't gone to this club, or decided to leave that club/bar when we did, or hadn't talked to different people we wouldn't have met these people. 

Later as we were walking, we wanted to stop and get some food. It was a last minute decision, we looked to our right and chose the first cafe/bar/restaurant we saw. We sat down. Got Kebabs. I ordered mine in Italian. They didn't make us pay for the Kebabs. 

Earlier we had purchased a bottle of Champagne on the street. We were sitting at this table. Completely tired (midnight had already passed), eating Kebabs, but still eager to live the night. 

Then. A group of Italians just came and sat next to us. At first they didn't know what to do with us. We were all decked out in tights, heels, black dresses/skirts/shirts, make up, and pea coats. I'm sure they at first thought we couldn't speak Italian. I made a friendly comment to them. 

Before we knew it, these 9-11 people befriended us and started talking with us. A mix of guys and girls. I particularly remember Gugliano, Francesca, and Enrico. There are others I remember, but I can't remember their names. These were some of the most amazing people I've ever met. 

We drank the champagne with them, they bought us drinks. I told the owner of the restaurant that if he opened the bottle for us, he could have some. He got a huge smile on his face and brought over plastic cups for us. 

We all told each other about our lives and got to know each other. Enrico was my crutch the whole night and helped me walk when my feet were sore. Gugliano made sure we all stayed together. And Francesca always greeted us with a smile, and every random person on the street. Whenever Francesca and I didn't see each other for 10+ minutes because we got mixed up in the group, she would always greet me like she hadn't seen me in years, with the biggest smile on her face. 

Everyone in the group kind of did that. Everyone looked out for each other. 

These random strangers bought us drinks the whole night. And at the end of the night they said if we ever wanted to go to Milan or Florence we had a place to stay and that they all want to meet up again some time in the future. 

I just... I get left speechless over stuff like this. Over the generosity of strangers. And the capacity of people to be so open. It's beautiful. And it's one of the biggest differences between the United States and Italy. Americans -- we don't really trust people. 

At 4:30 we hopped on our train. It didn't leave for almost another hour. I've never seen a train so packed. We had to sit in the middle of the aisle. To stretch our my legs, I had to put them under other people's seats. The train took forever. We all passed out on the train. Every time we got to a random town, when we all thought we'd finally be arriving in Bologna -- everyone would say in Italian -- "But where are we, does this city even exist?"

It was pretty hilarious. 

We all got into Bologna eventually around 7:30ish. We jetted over to Morgan's. I grabbed my stuff, changed my shoes, and walked to my house. When we got into Bologna the sun was just starting to come up. When I was walking home, the sun was coming up behind the two towers. 

The city was in transition between people finally going to bed, and those who were early risers. 

People were cleaning the streets, and prepping it for the street sweepers. The city got destroyed for NYE. 

One worker said Buongiorno, Buon Anno, and Auguri to me. I was tired and kept walking. That was so rude of me. Every employee I saw after that I said buongiorno. 

When I finally got to my street, I saw buongiorno to one, and he asked "tutto a posto;" is everything okay? Did you celebrate last night?  

I looked pretty tired. I said yes, I had just returned from Florence. He was surprised I didn't stay in Bologna, but when I said I was a foreigner he understood. We talked for a little bit about what I was studying, how he was doing. Others listened in on the conversation, but didn't say much. He was an old, but super sweet man. 

I said I had to go upstairs, but I told them Happy New Year and have a good day. He said you too. And wished me well in the rest of my life. 

As I was walking upstairs, I thought I should make them coffee. I eagerly got upstairs, looked out my window to the street to ask if they wanted some, but they were gone. 

I just got back from having french toast casserole, rosemary potatoes, and eggs at Morgan's while we indulged in our guilty pleasure of Gossip Girl. The girls are napping at her house right now. I couldn't fall asleep, so I came home for a little bit. 

I'm going back over to her house for dinner. 

On the way home, I had my ipod in, and then realized how stupid that was. It's my last day of being 21, I'm days a way from coming home. I need to be present. I first paused my ipod, but kept the headphones in. Then when I realized a church I always pass by, but never see open, had it's doors ajar, I took out my headphones and headed in. 

This church was beautiful. I was overcome with chills as I was staring at the flickering tea candles, while I could still here the saxophone player outside jamming "Stranger's in the Night." 

It's the first day of 2013. For now, I love the unpredictability of it all. But also with my last semester of undergrad about to start, I'm starting to feel myself be paralyzed by fear. If you guys ever notice that I'm losing this sense of self, awareness, and excitement for life again... please hit me over the head. 

I hope you all had an amazing NYE. Good luck with all your goals and hopes.