Every little thing, is gonna be alright.

As I listen to my favorite music, and wind down for the day, I find myself being overwhelmed with a sense of complete and total gratitude.

With this blog, I have tried to be as real as possible with how this experience is actually going.

I don't want to sugar coat it, fabricate it, or exaggerate it. I don't want to come off as entitled, or come off as ungrateful. 

The first month and a half here was rough. One of the roughest transitions I've ever had. As my sister Vivian said, "Life kind of kicked you in the figurative balls."

That it did sister. That it did. 

Before arriving here, I felt so detached from life. I lacked a feeling of presence, and I felt so alienated from the positive, optimistic person I recall being over 2-3 years ago.

I used to be so keenly interested in discovering the details and secrets of my surroundings and the people who crossed paths with me, excited to uncover the beauty embedded in every living and non-living thing. 

And some how, one day, those views that seemed to trademark my persona, just slipped away without warning. I became bitter, angry, and almost careless. 

So when I arrived and felt lost and detached from people, and was slapped in the face with some real, real, serious epiphanies, all I could think, (while I laid on the ground in fetal position, holding my injured man junk) was, "I just need to [get up off the ground and] keep moving forward." Even if it was one measly baby step at a time. Even if I didn't know where I was headed. 

And let me just tell you, I needed that kick in the balls. I needed to just completely fall on my ass and feel EXTREMELY stupid and broken for awhile. 

I have taken this opportunity abroad to really think about who I want to be, and how I want to reshape myself. Like I posted in an earlier blog, I really did need some time in a beautiful place to clear my head.

Am I still clueless on what I want to do for the rest of my life? Well, (like, toats, obvs) duh! 

But am I more in tune with who I am, what makes me happy, and what my outlook on life is? Definitely. 

I have realized who my support system actually is. Distinguishing the strangers from acquaintances, acquaintances from friends, and friends from the people I absolutely can't live without. 

I am beginning to remember the pride I used to take in myself, and the value of me, which everyone in my support system has been trying to make me remember, see, feel, and believe. 

And most importantly, my sense of awe and wonder about life, and about others has been restored. I catch myself, once again, thriving off the uncovering of details. I missed considering myself as a "detail-oriented" person. I miss finding the beauty in the simplest of things, and just being completely overwhelmed with how fascinating this life can be. 

I still have a lot to learn and uncover here, (SO much actually), but I feel so refreshed now, and for the first time in awhile, I feel like "me" again.

On top of having all of these different epiphanies, being reunited with my family was a perfect way for life to say, "Hey, guess what? Errthang is going to be okay." 

And in fact, it is more than okay. It is simply and utterly beautiful. 

(more pictures to come in a different post)

Picnics

The weather in Bologna thus far has been so beautiful. When I first got here, it was a lovely 100+ degrees every day.

Now the weather is in the 70's, with a warm breeze, and the occasional rain or thunderstorm. Perfetto! 

To take advantage of this great weather, this week has been filled with outdoor picnics. 

A few nights a go, a group of us had a "dolce aperitivo" in Piazza Maggiore. We sat in the Piazza, on a blanket, and had wine, champagne, cookies, dark chocolate, fruit, and yogurt dip in the middle of the night. 

While we were sitting in the middle of the Piazza, there was a classical music concert going on outside that sounded like the type of music you'd here in Disneyland. It was so surreal to hear such beautiful music, while we were casually laying in the Piazza, laughing, telling jokes, and reminiscing over the past few years in college. 

We had a cute older couple from Wisconsin approach us and ask us if we were American, and they talked with us for a bit. It was such a great, but brief, conversation, and as they left, we smiled at each other and all wished each other the best in life. 

Yesterday some friends and I had, yet another, picnic in Giardini Margherita (this is the park I go running in). We sat around the edge of a large grass field, that reminds me so much of Memorial Glade (berkeleywithdrawals). 

We ate brie, baguettes, sundried tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, sliced meat, grapes, and plums, and had some wine. It was so nice to just enjoy the sunshine and really spend some time in the park. It's great for running, but I've never really just sat down and taken in the beauty of this area. 

These are the moments I live for in Bologna. 

Fall

Fall is in the air. and I am so excited. 

I love the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. The hues of red, orange, and yellow. The crisp cold air. And of course, the rain that makes you want to snuggle up with some hot chocolate. 

I can't wait for scarves, for boots, for big sweaters, for three layers of blankets on my bed. 

I can't wait to do what my dad does just for me every fall/winter: grab a pot, fill it with water, cinnamon sticks, sliced oranges, and lemons. put it on the stove, low heat, and get ready for your house to smell like heaven. 

I love sitting in cafes with tons of layers on, as it rains outside, while I drink coffee, read, admire the eclectic decor, and listen to jazz music. 

But most of all. I can't wait for the change in people. I feel like every fall/winter, people become so much more friendly and so much easier to relate to. Maybe that's just the winter baby in me.

But there's just something about fall and winter.

Here is the park I always run at. These are just pictures from google images. I'm slacking on the photos. But just so you guys have an idea of what it looks like and what it will look like once the leaves fall :)

Berkeley in Bologna?

Today has been one of those, walk everywhere and get lost -- with or without intention -- days.

Trying to find my classes today I definitely got lost, but even if I didn't find where my class was, I found where a different class was or found a beautiful place. 

I felt slightly ridiculous trying to decipher what was being said in lecture today. Just as I felt like I had a grasp on what the teacher was saying, he'd change subjects. Buttt rumor has it, that in a couple of weeks this won't be a problem.

Plus, I can always go to their office hours. :) 

After class today, I decided to purposefully get lost. And it was great. I promise pictures will come soon. 

I stumbled upon multiple streets that I had been to before, but just couldn't recall how I had gotten there. And since school has started, and no one is on vacation anymore, the streets are so much more lively than the first time I saw them.

And here's one fun fact about Bologna. Students sort of dictate everything here. 

The University of Bologna is the first Western University in the world. It started in 1088. And since then, the businesses, the construction, and the culture of this city have been dependent upon students. Really.

So it wasn't too shocking when I walked down these streets, and felt like I was in a completely different place since the first time I had walked down them. 

One street in particular was literally filled with fish markets, chocolate shops, gelaterias, bakeries, soap shops, meat markets, bookstores, everything. 

Walking down this street, as the sun was setting, the breeze was blowing, and the air was literally filled with so many incredible scents... was so unreal. 

I think I now understand what a true European evening feels like. 

On my way back to my apartment. I just happened to look up at a store window, and there's a new clothing line at this store called Berkeley. So in big letters in the window, it just said BERKELEY. It literally brought the biggest smile to my face. 

After I got home. My friend Lara wanted to go out for another stroll. And we basically made it our mission to find as many chocolate shops as we could and try one chocolate from each place. AMAZING.

A or B

Lately I've been thinking about the big question: "What do I want to do for the rest of my life?" (But then again, don't we all?)

Being in Italy has kind of altered my perception on life, school, and money.

The school system here is much more relaxed. School doesn't need to be your life here. It doesn't need to be what you stress over.

Undergraduate classes have optional attendance, and offer reading material to supplement for missed lectures. Graduate classes (which are much smaller) are usually always mandatory, but it's more like a discussion section.

You don't have to worry about tests every week. And sure there are benefits to being quizzed on material, but it's interesting to see something so starkly different from our own school system. 

It makes you think, why do I stress so much? Why don't we focus more on learning. 

And people also aren't as stressed about their jobs here (generally). On a daily basis people are out til 2 or 3 in the morning, socializing, sipping on drinks, and eating. Not worried about getting to bed by 8pm the night before work.

There's always something to do at all hours of the night, except from 6am-8am. 

It's a different life here. With different things being emphasized. Money doesn't seem as emphasized, fashion is slightly relaxed in Bologna (more on that in another blog), and school isn't something to cry over on a daily basis. 

So when a friend and I were talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives last night, we narrowed it down to the two options everyone is torn between: 

A. Let your work be your means.
B. Let your work be your means to an end.

He then showed me this video. And I think it's pretty powerful. Just something to think about.http://www.infinitylist.com/video/what-if-money-was-no-object/

Francese o Spagnola?

So let's just say, upon arriving here, I thought all of my past Italian knowledge, combined with being immersed in Italian was going to make my speaking capabilities flourish.

Well. Let's just say it hasn't entirely. If you want me to talk about my family, feminism, Bologna, history, or my major... I could talk for a very long time, especially if I'm speaking to someone I feel comfortable around.

But throw me into a new environment, with new vocabulary, and I might just sound like Brad Pitt in Inglorious Bastards.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aXIFFaWNjM

Except for the fact that I am not one of the hottest men on the planet. Anddd I don't scalp people.

In the center of Bologna, many would call that area "a tourist trap." It caters to students and tourists, and the food isn't as good as it is farther out in the city, or on cute little side streets (see previous blog about amazing meatballs and pumpkin soup). 

So when I go into stores in the center, there's a lot of business owners and servers who want to get a transaction over with as soon as possible. They can tell I don't originally speak Italian, and they just respond in English.

To me, that's basically just them saying, "Yo. Why you trying?" I still speak Italian back, but it's frustrating, and makes you feel a little weak sauce on your language capabilities. 

Now, at the smaller stores, or different bakeries there have been many people who have been down like funky town to help a Californian out with their Italian. It's great! 

Today I had two interactions with two different people that were a little boost to my language capabilities. Sooo... I don't feel like Brad Pitt as much.

At a flower stand today, I ended up talking with the owner, and he asked where I was from, and he said, but you look like you're Italian! I told him a little bit about my family history, and he said my Italian was beautiful. *SWOON*

Earlier today, I went to go get a kebab wrap... okay Berkeley food I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY... and the owner asked if I was "Francese o Spagnola." Okay, so he still thought I was foreign. But dude. Getting mistaken for a European. Secret dream of mine.

Current score?

Bologna - 1. Olivia - 2.

Feeling at home

It's hard for me to believe I am in my senior year of college. I feel like time has passed by so fast, but I'm also so disconnected from the person I was freshman year. 

So much has changed since I was that clueless little freshman who woke up terrified by my first day in the dorms -- not knowing what Berkeley, or that day, would bring. 

Freshman year, I thought home was the idea of being tied to a place. "Home" was San Juan, and nowhere else. The thought of trying to make Berkeley my home seemed exciting and yet ridiculous all at once.

I was so tied to high school, to everything I had known the passed 18 years, that moving on seemed impossible. 

Freshman year, I didn't have a job, I had no idea how to deal with all of that "real life" stuff (that was just for people over 25 any way... wasn't it?). I was making completely new friends, figuring out new routines, and trying to discover me.

Fast forward a few years, and I've met more people than I could ever imagine, and now feel completely at "home" at Berkeley. I figured out my routines and sort of discovered me. I got a job, took out student loans, planned out my trip to Bologna, and navigated my way here. 

I've learned that home isn't necessarily a place, but the people who are there with you, the people who make you excited to come to your apartment at the end of the day. I've experienced feeling at home and not feeling at home at a place, and I truly feel that no matter how used you get to a location, it's not going to feel at home until you actually feel welcomed, happy, and comfortable. 

Being here I've definitely learned the difference between home and familiar. My place feels familiar, but as I do more things here with other people it feels like home. Or when I go over to someone's house for dinner, it feels like home, because of who I'm surrounded by. 

Earlier yesterday, I walked around the city with Lara and Jessica, looked at a cute little antique fair, and had really great gelato. We had gelato at a place that reminds me of Ici, and just sat on a curb and chowed down. And I felt at home. The place was so great, that we went back after we ate ice cream and got these little treats. 

And last night my friend Chloe invited us over for dinner, and it was completely on the house. It was her brother's birthday (he's visiting her for the week), and she wanted to make it the best birthday he's ever had. The food was delicious! And we all chatted, sang our favorite songs, ate good food, and drank great wine.

Yes. that is me drinking wine out of a Lion King cup.