Everyone has personal battles, which -- for lack of a better phrase -- come in all shapes and sizes. Battles can be self-destructing, imposed by others, and even arisen by inanimate objects. To keep it simple, I've divided battles into three categories:
Daily Battles: These are the small obstacles that happen throughout the day. Whether it's a broken stapler, a shitty coworker, traffic, or a fight with a friend, these are the battles that occur in one day -- in one moment -- and usually don't carry over to the next day.
Present and Future Battles: These are battles that do not stem from the past, but they can be long-lasting. This can still involve inanimate objects, but the problem doesn't cease just after one day. However, the END of the battle is in sight and seems attainable. These battles could be things like: questions of life, coping with the loss of someone or something, or even trying to find a job.
And last, but not least, there are...
Past Battles: To put it bluntly, this is just emotional baggage. That deep-rooted crap that you either learn to deal with, or just leave unsettled.
Dealing with emotional baggage makes the past battles seem beautiful, the daily battles seem miniscule, and the present/future battles seem exciting. But... that's not to say these obstacles don't find away to creep into your life and leave you unsettled and imbalanced -- your coping skills just get better if you deal with the past battles.
For me, I currently find myself struggling with the Present and Future Battles, or to be specific -- questions of life and how I relate to others.
As an individual, I feel like I know what I want and who I am. I still have uncertainties, but I'm excited by those.
In relation to others though, I'm finding that maybe the majority of my goals, my views, my aspirations, and my perspectives don't breed social cohesion for my life.
What do I mean by "social cohesion?" Well, much of my dreams require a lot of independence and thus less interactions with people, but this really conflicts with my personality of being a hopeless and utter romantic, who loves being surrounded by people. So... I feel torn.
Of course, there are people in the world with like-minded dreams, who I can not only share these experiences with, but who also know how to sustain a friendship where people see each other very little throughout the year, or a given period of time. But still... it's hard to maintain those connections with so little interactions.
Being in Italy, and starting this job in the "working world," has definitely shown me who the rocks in my life are; I see who will always be there. However, the longer I'm away, the greater the risk of that number becoming smaller.
I know that's life. And I know my goals will lead me to meeting other people, but that's not to say it still isn't difficult when I find myself either 1. not connecting with someone and/or 2. struggling to find time to see someone because I'm (physically) so far apart from them.
I know I'm always going to yearn for something new (even if I initially hate the stark change that comes along with it), and I know I'm not always going to be permanently settled somewhere until I'm much, much older. This, fortunately -- and yet unfortunately -- weeds out people I don't connect with, makes apparent the people I love, highlights the ones who bring out the best in me, and yet also has the potential to drift me away from the people I want to keep.
So... in the mean time, I'm working on communicating much better with the people I miss. I'm trying to take on new habits, so I can make those people -- who I don't see that often -- feel as loved as they make me feel. Because the people in my life, who I can go so long without seeing -- and then instantly reconnect with when we reunite -- are definitely people I do not want to lose.
These are my Present and Future battles (as far as questions of life go), and this is what I will continually have to work at:
Daily Battles: These are the small obstacles that happen throughout the day. Whether it's a broken stapler, a shitty coworker, traffic, or a fight with a friend, these are the battles that occur in one day -- in one moment -- and usually don't carry over to the next day.
Present and Future Battles: These are battles that do not stem from the past, but they can be long-lasting. This can still involve inanimate objects, but the problem doesn't cease just after one day. However, the END of the battle is in sight and seems attainable. These battles could be things like: questions of life, coping with the loss of someone or something, or even trying to find a job.
And last, but not least, there are...
Past Battles: To put it bluntly, this is just emotional baggage. That deep-rooted crap that you either learn to deal with, or just leave unsettled.
Dealing with emotional baggage makes the past battles seem beautiful, the daily battles seem miniscule, and the present/future battles seem exciting. But... that's not to say these obstacles don't find away to creep into your life and leave you unsettled and imbalanced -- your coping skills just get better if you deal with the past battles.
For me, I currently find myself struggling with the Present and Future Battles, or to be specific -- questions of life and how I relate to others.
As an individual, I feel like I know what I want and who I am. I still have uncertainties, but I'm excited by those.
In relation to others though, I'm finding that maybe the majority of my goals, my views, my aspirations, and my perspectives don't breed social cohesion for my life.
What do I mean by "social cohesion?" Well, much of my dreams require a lot of independence and thus less interactions with people, but this really conflicts with my personality of being a hopeless and utter romantic, who loves being surrounded by people. So... I feel torn.
Of course, there are people in the world with like-minded dreams, who I can not only share these experiences with, but who also know how to sustain a friendship where people see each other very little throughout the year, or a given period of time. But still... it's hard to maintain those connections with so little interactions.
Being in Italy, and starting this job in the "working world," has definitely shown me who the rocks in my life are; I see who will always be there. However, the longer I'm away, the greater the risk of that number becoming smaller.
I know that's life. And I know my goals will lead me to meeting other people, but that's not to say it still isn't difficult when I find myself either 1. not connecting with someone and/or 2. struggling to find time to see someone because I'm (physically) so far apart from them.
I know I'm always going to yearn for something new (even if I initially hate the stark change that comes along with it), and I know I'm not always going to be permanently settled somewhere until I'm much, much older. This, fortunately -- and yet unfortunately -- weeds out people I don't connect with, makes apparent the people I love, highlights the ones who bring out the best in me, and yet also has the potential to drift me away from the people I want to keep.
So... in the mean time, I'm working on communicating much better with the people I miss. I'm trying to take on new habits, so I can make those people -- who I don't see that often -- feel as loved as they make me feel. Because the people in my life, who I can go so long without seeing -- and then instantly reconnect with when we reunite -- are definitely people I do not want to lose.
These are my Present and Future battles (as far as questions of life go), and this is what I will continually have to work at:
No comments:
Post a Comment