Sometimes, you wish all of the details of your life could just unfold right before your eyes. There are moments where it feels like everything is whirling around you in a complex and hazy fashion;
it is confusing.
it is hypnotizing.
it is calming.
it is tantalizing.
You look at everything that lay before you in amazement of how there seems to be so many answers in front of you, yet you can't piece anything together. It's like you can make sense of the fact that it's all nonsense, but... it's still nonsense, but... maybe one day it will all make sense?
I think life as a whole can feel this way, and so can experiences, and even people. Something can feel whole in front of you, yet fragmented. You understand, but you're unable to grasp all of the pieces and put them together; you feel like everything is coming together and falling apart at the same time.
The only way I can describe what I mean by that is through a visual:
Imagine you have a handful of sand. You're on a beach, and then slowly and softly you let the sand gradually fall out of your hand and get caught up in the wind. It's elegant, it's graceful, but it's still "falling apart."
But... was it ever really together?
What was holding it together?
Do things have to fall apart to make sense?
And the fact that it could be falling apart doesn't even have to be bad, or devastating -- you still can admire the process.
Friday was the last day of my first week at work. It's been a whirl. There are small moments where it feels right and clear, and small moments where it feels like the image I described, confusing and not together, yet beautiful.
When I think about the larger picture... the haze grows larger and nearly envelopes me. I feel like I'm blinded by this beautiful lack of transparency, but sometimes that transparency feels suffocating or paralyzing.
I love my job, but other aspects of my life -- including the big picture -- could be a lot clearer.
it is confusing.
it is hypnotizing.
it is calming.
it is tantalizing.
You look at everything that lay before you in amazement of how there seems to be so many answers in front of you, yet you can't piece anything together. It's like you can make sense of the fact that it's all nonsense, but... it's still nonsense, but... maybe one day it will all make sense?
I think life as a whole can feel this way, and so can experiences, and even people. Something can feel whole in front of you, yet fragmented. You understand, but you're unable to grasp all of the pieces and put them together; you feel like everything is coming together and falling apart at the same time.
The only way I can describe what I mean by that is through a visual:
Imagine you have a handful of sand. You're on a beach, and then slowly and softly you let the sand gradually fall out of your hand and get caught up in the wind. It's elegant, it's graceful, but it's still "falling apart."
But... was it ever really together?
What was holding it together?
Do things have to fall apart to make sense?
And the fact that it could be falling apart doesn't even have to be bad, or devastating -- you still can admire the process.
Friday was the last day of my first week at work. It's been a whirl. There are small moments where it feels right and clear, and small moments where it feels like the image I described, confusing and not together, yet beautiful.
When I think about the larger picture... the haze grows larger and nearly envelopes me. I feel like I'm blinded by this beautiful lack of transparency, but sometimes that transparency feels suffocating or paralyzing.
I love my job, but other aspects of my life -- including the big picture -- could be a lot clearer.
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