Soooo... I doubt anyone is reading this blog anymore, but I'm going to keep writing because it's therapeutic for me and keeps me together.
The transition period has been interesting. Coming to my home in San Juan Bautista, and being with my family felt incredible, rejuvenating. Sure, I missed Italy, but it felt really comforting to be back.
Coming back to Berkeley was also comforting to a degree. Being a city, where you can go on a short walk and be submersed in nature was something I greatly missed. No more treeless city centers. Not to mention having a view of the bay, and a plethora of ethnic food to choose from. I missed so many people here, and it has been amazing to reconnect with you all.
But man, this lifestyle, this pace. It ain't my jam. I can appreciate it, and I can find value in it; that glorified busy lifestyle really works for some people. But being in Italy made me realize, hey this ain't my thing.
And that's okay. It's just difficult to not lose everything I learned in Italy, while I'm caught up in eating meals on the go, and in a school system that dictates when you study. Obviously, there is efficiency in this system, but people lose their identities through the cracks, through the darts to their next class, through the lack of communication with peers and professors. Whether you like it or not, Marx hit it on the nose with capitalist societies.
I don't want to be defined by how many units I'm taking, how fast I can walk to my classes, what my grades are, how planned my day is, or how stressed I am.
I want to be defined by what I'm learning. I want to soak up that learning. I want to be defined by what I do outside of school. What I do on Sundays. What I do with my time.
And the thing is, "my"/me time doesn't seem to exist here. In Italy, every second, minute, hour, day is your time. Even when you're at work or school. Here, our only time is seen when we're not at work, or when we're not at school. It's weird.
Also, please don't mistake this rant for ungratefulness for the University I'm at, or the people who are in my life, or the opportunity I had in Berkeley. I'm just struggling with the collision of the two me's -- the Berkeley me, and the Bologna me.
I thought I would come back to Berkeley with the Bologna me ingrained in my skin, stamped on my heart. And I think it's partially there, but I think I'm losing it. It was so easy for me to pick up my routine in Berkeley, but the thing is... the old me had that routine. So now, it's time for me to shake up my routine. Shake up what I do, how I think. Find balance.
We get so caught up in the track we're all supposed to be on, the life we're supposed to have according to society, that we forget we have the reigns in our hands and we can steer "off course" any time we like. But then there's that whole idea, what the hell is even "off course!?!?!" Who's to say you're on course, off course, taking the high road, or the low road. Because every road leads to a different destination, with different benefits, but none of them are necessarily wrong. They're just different.
I don't think anyone should ever have regret or feel like they didn't live their lives, because you're still living and you can do whatever you want at anytime. Sure, it's scary as all hell to take that leap into a pile of uncertainties, but all deterioration leads to the chance to rebuild, reshape, and grow.
So even though I feel like I'm all over the place, I'm just seeing it as another opportunity to rebuild. Obviously, I'm a little bit ticked off that 3 weeks ago I feel like I had my whole world figured out... but shoot you all know I loved being challenged. You also know that 6 months ago the idea of change was the scariest thing in the world. But I'm confronting it now, instead of avoiding it. I'm being proactive. And I think that's something to really be thankful for.
We as humans, have the ability to have mobility in our emotions and our personal strength. I like the fact that we can change and adapt. So now's the time for me to adapt and grow, but not settle.
The transition period has been interesting. Coming to my home in San Juan Bautista, and being with my family felt incredible, rejuvenating. Sure, I missed Italy, but it felt really comforting to be back.
Coming back to Berkeley was also comforting to a degree. Being a city, where you can go on a short walk and be submersed in nature was something I greatly missed. No more treeless city centers. Not to mention having a view of the bay, and a plethora of ethnic food to choose from. I missed so many people here, and it has been amazing to reconnect with you all.
But man, this lifestyle, this pace. It ain't my jam. I can appreciate it, and I can find value in it; that glorified busy lifestyle really works for some people. But being in Italy made me realize, hey this ain't my thing.
And that's okay. It's just difficult to not lose everything I learned in Italy, while I'm caught up in eating meals on the go, and in a school system that dictates when you study. Obviously, there is efficiency in this system, but people lose their identities through the cracks, through the darts to their next class, through the lack of communication with peers and professors. Whether you like it or not, Marx hit it on the nose with capitalist societies.
I don't want to be defined by how many units I'm taking, how fast I can walk to my classes, what my grades are, how planned my day is, or how stressed I am.
I want to be defined by what I'm learning. I want to soak up that learning. I want to be defined by what I do outside of school. What I do on Sundays. What I do with my time.
And the thing is, "my"/me time doesn't seem to exist here. In Italy, every second, minute, hour, day is your time. Even when you're at work or school. Here, our only time is seen when we're not at work, or when we're not at school. It's weird.
Also, please don't mistake this rant for ungratefulness for the University I'm at, or the people who are in my life, or the opportunity I had in Berkeley. I'm just struggling with the collision of the two me's -- the Berkeley me, and the Bologna me.
I thought I would come back to Berkeley with the Bologna me ingrained in my skin, stamped on my heart. And I think it's partially there, but I think I'm losing it. It was so easy for me to pick up my routine in Berkeley, but the thing is... the old me had that routine. So now, it's time for me to shake up my routine. Shake up what I do, how I think. Find balance.
We get so caught up in the track we're all supposed to be on, the life we're supposed to have according to society, that we forget we have the reigns in our hands and we can steer "off course" any time we like. But then there's that whole idea, what the hell is even "off course!?!?!" Who's to say you're on course, off course, taking the high road, or the low road. Because every road leads to a different destination, with different benefits, but none of them are necessarily wrong. They're just different.
I don't think anyone should ever have regret or feel like they didn't live their lives, because you're still living and you can do whatever you want at anytime. Sure, it's scary as all hell to take that leap into a pile of uncertainties, but all deterioration leads to the chance to rebuild, reshape, and grow.
So even though I feel like I'm all over the place, I'm just seeing it as another opportunity to rebuild. Obviously, I'm a little bit ticked off that 3 weeks ago I feel like I had my whole world figured out... but shoot you all know I loved being challenged. You also know that 6 months ago the idea of change was the scariest thing in the world. But I'm confronting it now, instead of avoiding it. I'm being proactive. And I think that's something to really be thankful for.
We as humans, have the ability to have mobility in our emotions and our personal strength. I like the fact that we can change and adapt. So now's the time for me to adapt and grow, but not settle.
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