Seed

As Burning Man steadily approaches, and Leo season lights my spirit ablaze, I've been digging deep and thinking about what my ultimate creative intention and purpose is for this life. I've been looking closely at past passions ~and seeing if they still serve me~ while also embracing the potential in the unknown. I've also opened to the idea of forging a beautiful fusion between all passions. 

A love for writing has been embedded within me for almost 20 years; at a young age I knew I wanted to write and publish a book some day. This has really been lovingly gnawing at me the past month. There has been an indefinable momentum that has been gathering inertia, a calling to begin writing a book. 

With the spirit of fusion in mind, I know in my heart that I want to meld and bring communities together. Communities of health, science, conservation, movement, nature appreciation, yoga, intention, mindfulness, love, and STRENGTH. I want to forge the resilience and beauty within nature and inspire others to see that in themselves, while we all collaborate to conserve vital ecosystems and landscapes ~all while having love in our hearts. 

I want to inspire people by using loving words, poetry, imagery, body awareness, and meditation. This is the year I start writing my book -- I just know it. This is the year the ideas comes to mind. I want to be able to guide people, and facilitate breakthroughs, in body and nature awareness. I want to create a program that harmonizes strength building, mindfulness, love, and environmental conservation. A program that emphasizes the unity of everything, and how CONNECTED we are to nature. That we are nature in and of itself. 

I am open to whatever shapes this takes, and that it even takes my planted seed one step further, evolving it into something I never could have imagined. It is my time, to WRITE and spread loving awareness, through words, through unity. 

Craving

There are times where I begin to get a craving, or begin to feel hungry; it's usually when I've had too much coffee and/or begin to feel stressed, sometimes even bored. I feel like I need to have a bite of food to "make it better." And sometimes I do just need a bite or two to balance out the caffeine I've had, or help with a drop in blood sugar. But I can also have moments where I want to keep eating. And it's more in habit and in action, than it is in consciousness or need. When I pause and assess, I realize I need water, I need breath, I need to not evade the way that I'm feeling and "make it better" with a little nibble of something delicious. 

When I return. When I feel. When I sit with it all, it begins to feel so much better. I feel real, and alive. Versus like I'm fleeing myself and things that somehow feel difficult. It's funny how just after a few minutes of redirecting my attention away from the craving -- through writing, walking, or drinking water -- those difficult feelings go away. It's all just a habitual narrative construction -- that feeling that I need food -- in those certain situations. When I pause, I realize that I don't need this food. As a result, I return to my power. My strength. My true self. 

Food is a beautiful, glorious thing. I love cooking, creating, and savoring. I love the way a house smells on a rainy day as all of the rooms fill up with the scent of what's being cooked. I love sharing meals with people, trying new things, and plating things. I love seeing people's reactions to the tastes, the different combinations of flavors. Food is meant to be relished and loved, however it is not meant to be a numbing agent or an escape. Food should be something that brings us to presence, not something that drives us away from it. Food should be a healing agent in the sense that it gives fuel and nutrition, versus being an agent to cover up feelings of pain, loneliness, or stress. 

When we let food control us and act as a numbing agent, rather than an act of presence and health, we have relinquished our power over to something. We have shifted it from being a beautiful creation to something that is unconscious and harmful. When we allow ourselves to fill with gratitude and presence every time we plate, create, and consume a meal, we are doing our mind, body, and soul -- so much good. When we eat rapidly, while not paying attention to what exactly we are putting into our bodies, we are doing it harm. We are not really listening to what we actually need emotionally, spiritually, or physically. We cover up those natural cues and communication pathways that our body delivers to us, when we eat voraciously and unconsciously. We deny our bodies, we deny our hearts, and we deny ourselves when we overload with food. When we overload with food, that is a subconscious way of believing that we aren't worthy of care -- of tending to our own needs. 

When we eat with love, attention, moderation, and consciousness we are opening up to, and believing in, abundance, love, care, wellness, and prosperity. 

Emerging Love

Our personal evolution... isn't it amazing how we can seed, grow, blossom, decay, and regenerate? Whether it be cyclical, graceful, sporadic, effortless, wavy, or jagged -- I am always amazed by ~the moment. We all know that moment. The moment when: you're reflecting, savoring by way of your senses, or maybe even doing ~nothing~ and suddenly -- it all just hits you. Textures feel different and distinct, sights are more vibrant, your chest breathes with ease, love seems to drip, arise, and reveal itself from every hidden corner, sounds seem sweetly and softly amplified, your eyes sparkle, movement is fluid -- dancing even, and a state of peace surges; it all just flows. This is love generated from within. Love generated through practice, ritual, erasure of archaic thought patterns, establishment of new dialogue pathways, alone time, immersion in nature, exploration of creative endeavors, positive company, and embracing of mind//body//soul connections.
This is a powerful cultivation of self-love, that once established, seeps out of your pores and shines brightly. This is a self-love, that seems to be easier to come back to -- when one deviates from this home -- and temporarily ventures to other territories. This is a deep love that aligns with others. Others whom have explored their inner landscapes so extensively -- seeing the vast oscillations of all that is -- that they can't help, but accept and love it all, once everything has been so vulnerably revealed. This is a love that welcomes you. This is a love that nudges you when you return, and says, "Why did you ever leave, when this is all that you are -- all that you're ever meant to brilliantly be?"

Vision

A vision for myself: 

Rock climbing babe, who is incredibly strong, and wears bright colored socks and funky climbing clothes.
Owns a kayak, and regularly goes down the river. 
Summits mountains, with crampons, and an ice axe. 
Snow camps on her own. 
Snow shoes on her own. 
Rides her bike regularly. 
Does trail running and marathons.
Backpacks -- solo or with people. 
Strong in body, because her body reflects the nature and character of those around her --as well as the emotional exploration that she has done within. She is vast, expansive, and calming all at once.
Peaceful in mind -- reflecting the breeze, the waves, and all that surrounds. 
Resilient and earthened, like the soil around her.
Kind, sweet, and impeccable with her word, just as mother nature is with every sunrise. 
Yoga teacher training completed, and teaches classes on the side -- providing a space for people to release, move, and grow. 
Author and beauty observer. 
Pioneer in mind, body, soul, love, and conservation. 
Loves openly, and without reservation. 

Breath

The breath. Always return to the breath.

Sometimes, I forget to breathe outside of my meditation practice and outside of nature. I forget to bring the utmost degree of attention to when I'm working in front of a computer. I breathe afterward, and I breathe before, but I often forget to breathe during. I love the work I am doing, but I get caught up in the screen and in my work, forgetting to breathe deeply and center myself.

I forget that breathing during this time can help me stay refreshed and vibrant, and thus feel no need to turn to coffee or sugar. The breath gives the life and energy that we need. This breath is our life force. 

I am really dissecting my relationship with food at this time, and looking at my dependency on sugar to ~relieve~ myself of stress, or validate myself when a success comes my way. Yet, when I really tune in, I notice that sugar bogs me down, makes me feel introverted and anti-social. I feel uncomfortable in this beautiful body of mine, because of SUGAR. The next morning after eating sugar AND brushing my teeth, my teeth always feel coated and fuzzy. I feel sluggish and frazzled, and like I can't be present for people without coffee. The coffee wakes me up, and then gives me the jitters and quickens my breath. If I don't remember to breathe, I look for a quick fix for the caffeine jitters, and then I turn to sugar..... and the beat goes on. 

The food, the fuel, we put into our bodies should be fresh, colorful, and whole. The food we put into our bodies should make us feel energized and satisfied, not sluggish or shameful. My habitual tendencies love grabbing for sugar at the end of a long and difficult day, but maybe.... just maybe, with a little more breathing, a whole lot more self-loving, and a wee bit more greens, I can release the hold that sugar has on me, and step more into ~body bliss~. The bliss of my temple, my vessel, and soul. 

Blessed

Blessed, blessed, blessed! Just feeling so incredibly blessed and submerged in gratitude, by all the LOVE that's circulating in my life. From friends, family, world, and self. So grateful for the support that I have in my life, the deep seeded care that spills over into all areas of my life. So grateful for a feeling ~a knowing~ of self-worth, that grows stronger and restores itself each and every day. I am surrounded by the loveliest of people. The most precious and diverse landscapes. ABUNDANCE. And ultimately, joy. Overtime, my lifestyle has been refining itself more and more -- ever becoming more open, yet paradoxically I'm acutely aware of what no longer serves me; no longer directing my time to draining connections or endeavors. I feel simultaneously grounded and free. Liberated, yet structured. It's a remarkable feeling. And so for now, I bask. I soak. I generate. I reflect. I process. I grow. 

Char

Past~
Oh darling, how you let your sweet tender limbs and beating heart be charred by the spitting fire of wounded people from your past. How you let them cast shadows upon your light, how you let them shift and contort your subconscious reality and the way you saw yourself. I know, I know -- you loved and shared so deeply, and wanted them all to feel and to know what exquisite love, gratitude, and peace felt like. But my dear, how your inevitable kindness was misplaced, and how you cared -- so deeply -- for the dusty hidden corners of people who were too scared to peer through their own window, and into themselves. 

Present~
Beautiful woman, take that care, take that love, and use it to dust the char off your skin, and heal the burns on your heart. Wrap yourself in your innate wisdom, your womanhood, your breath, and let yourself expand in self, in light, in love, and in being. 

Outcome~
Oh, how you've grown, how you've surpassed, how you have learned. You are moving forward in a series of progressive and growth filled learning cycles. Each twirling round, as you're dropping more waste and becoming lighter, freer, more you, more us, more all, more one. You're speaking, living, and feeling your truth. You're trusting your intuition. You are living with intention, and forgiving yourself so sweetly for the brief moments you veer off course. You share and bask in love with those around, but also extend that love and care to yourself, first and foremost. A gorgeous sight to see as you bloom, once again, into the next phase.