Presence

I'm sure we've all heard that the people you surround yourself with are the people you become. Especially the 5 people you're around the most. And even though Berkeley stresses me out so much, I think I have finally found a balance of people in my life at Cal that provide such an amazing sense of comfort and ease. 

The presence of the people in my life is filled with peace, humor, and understanding. Drive and aspirations. Curiosity and support. 

This blend of characteristics is so humbling, refreshing, and stimulating all at the same time. I'm so lucky to have the people that I have in my life. 

Whether it's someone from cal, bologna, white stag, my family, or my childhood friends -- I am so thankful for all of these people and the presence they bring to my life. 

Grace

I think Italy taught me how to handle situations with grace. I still crack every now and then, but I feel like I'm able to catch myself more, or if I do crack, it's more legitimate. 

I think there's a difference between letting yourself FEEL when you're sad, and having a pity party. A difference between being strong to grow and better yourself, and just covering it all up. There's this intricate balance with confronting what's going on, but not necessarily wearing your emotions on your sleeve. I'm getting better at that... with just, being at peace and all. 

Letting yourself feel, but appreciating the fact that you can feel, and that things aren't as bad as they really can be. If you're physically hurt, appreciate the fact that it can be a lot worse, and that, GUESS WHAT, you're alive and still have the ability to actually feel. I think we get so caught up in our limitations, that we forget how lucky we are. 

Rush to Live

We live in a country that believes in expediting everything; knowledge, time, money, resources, interactions -- everything. 

In school you're supposed to work incredibly hard, sacrificing beautiful Sundays for days indoors with a 30 page study guide. You're supposed to spend  4 years cramming as much as you can into your head and stressing yourself out, all to find an 8-5 career that consumes the rest of your life as soon as you graduate. 

Is this what we define as happiness, as "living the dream?" I get it. We need money to function. But who says you have to stress yourself out so much to learn everything. Why do we function this way? Why do we surpass spending more time getting to know others, ourselves, and this amazing world just so we can try to memorize pages of material. 

I learned more while I was abroad than I have ever -- and will ever -- learn in a classroom or in a job. And yet, it feels somewhat impossible for not just me -- but others who studied abroad as well -- to apply what we've learned. 

We have a society that puts expectations, dreams, norms, education, behavior, and characteristics into the tiniest, most rigid box that it can find. And for some reason, we all "enjoy" being in there. We all "enjoy" being incredibly busy as life just passes us by. We love foregoing interactions, not getting to know people. 

We love racing to the finish line in life, and by the time we get there, we realize we never saw anything along the way -- we didn't see who we were passing, who was cheering for us, what was surrounding us. We just made it to the finish line, and received the medal, the reward, and the recognition. 

In Morocco, the most distinct interaction that I remember was with a merchant who taught us how people shake hands. He said, Americans and European just shake hands, and drop their hands, they let the interaction and the moment fall. He said, WE shake hands and then put our hand over our hearts. 

A complete stranger taught me so much, and was so personal with me. I think that really says a lot that I found more depth in an hour with a stranger, than I do with some people I've known for years. 

So stop rushing. Open yourselves up. Let the world show you what it's made of, and show the world what you're made of, but do it slowly. Be timely. Don't rush to live. 

Toxic Waste

"If you keep sending away every person who challenges you, you'll never GROW. Some people are in your life to sharpen you." 



"Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself." 



"Be thankful for all the difficult people in your life, and learn from them. They have shown you exactly who you do not want to be." 

I'm trying to live this way

I want to spin in circles til I can't see straight anymore, and then just fall back into a field of grass, laughing. 

I want to fall in love with my best friend. 

I want to go on walks. Night walks through campus. 

Late nights with milkshakes and french fries. 

Spending Friday nights just cooking in good company. 

Backpacking. Seeing the world. 

I want to effortlessly express how I feel, without reservations.  

Feel needed. Feel happy. 

I want to scrape the sky and tackle my dreams. 

I want curiosity. Endless, endearing, passionate curiosity. 

I don't want to be narrow-minded. 

I want to embrace my femininity without having to be a fragile, blind, quiet, and not opinionated. 

I want to fully get back that care-free essence I had in Italy -- where I constantly remembered it's all not that serious. 

I want to savor moments; interactions, people, experiences, sights, taste, sounds, feelings. 

I want to be good. To others and myself. 

Laughter. Smiles. Music. Grace. Empathy. 

I want to surround myself with people who are more concerned with making this world better, than spending hours in a bathroom on their image. 

I want to seize life by the horns and not let go, even when I think I need a breather. Because even the lowest lows are filled with more life than those who go through it senselessly.