Profess

We live in a nation fearful of profession. 

   Profession,

     Of raw-biting emotion.

     Of vulnerable interactions. 

     Of feeling extreme highs and intense lows. 

     Of embarrasing truths. 

     Of identity. 

     Of tenderness. 

     Of openness. 

     Of acceptance. 

Our nation is so fearful of the act of professing our innermost feelings that if someone does it -- people either feel the need to guard themselves, or feel incredibly refreshed that someone actually didn't feel weird saying how they actually FEEL. 

Now those are two bittersweet and contrasting reactions, however they both indicate that profession is not threaded into the bones of our societal norms; both reactions are a response to foreignness, to something "other." 

I find it so interesting that our society is so detached from our own personal emotions that whenever someone begins to express themselves, people begin to feel awkward. We don't know how to profess, to express, to listen, or empathize. Words are such a powerfully underrated thing, and there is nothing more beautiful and appealing than someone who knows how to use their language craftily and deeply. 

Every personal statement I share comes from a tender place. I have composed my thoughts, and taken the time to tell someone what is on my mind -- this isn't always easy, but I do it because I love the feeling of destroying barriers and increasing flow and openness within my interactions. I've heard so many stories of people who spent their life wishing they had said a particular statement to someone, told someone how much they loved them, reconnected with a person, or told the world what was really on their mind.

When people tell these stories to me, I can see the regret and longing in their eyes. Some people obviously reach contentment, forgiveness, or acceptance with the fact that they never said anything, but still -- they know, and I know, that their lives would have been much different if they had something, anything. Even if you're tongue-tied, shaking, nervous, and don't even know where to begin... a single world can still begin a cascade of phrases, thoughts, and desires.

In the present moment, interactions may seem small and insignificant -- like how could a phrase have so much power and influence over the direction and course of my life!? But profession can truly change things. I know for me, it most certainly has.

It can enhance a connection with someone.
It can mean the difference between having a networking connection or not.
It can change the way you personally feel and value yourself.
It can inspire others to be more open.
It can allow you to explore your wildest of ideas and goals.

It can be the difference between getting through something alone or with support.
It can do so many things, if you just gather up a few seconds of  courage to bash down societal norms and just say whatever is on your mind. 

In the moment you may feel like a fool for making yourself so vulnerable and honest with someone, but being exposed and real is such a more fulfilling way to live than being closed off; it is so much better than being the ultimate guard of your own emotions and being the wall that encloses your own greatest potential. 

Don't hold back. Don't hesitate. Don't overthink 

Just profess 

     and let it flow.

One Year of Adulthood

For the past few months I've been feeling plateaued; feeling like my personal growth has almost come to a screeching halt. Luckily, the last few weeks have been filled with positive changes and I definitely feel like I'm breaking out of that "coasting" feeling, but still.... that plateau sparked some serious introspection and questioning.

I kept wondering -- how did I get to this plateau? I started to think about what changes have happened over the past year: what I've learned, who I've met, new things I've tried, and places I've been.

Upon reflecting, I realized I had become desensitized to how much has indeed -- changed, and how much I have indeed -- grown, over the past year. So I took some time to marinade in some gratitude, and I made a comprehensive list of what has changed over the past year.

Over the past year I:

- Went from being unemployed to having a full time job.
- Moved from Berkeley to an entirely new place.
- Broke my usual routine of college and stepped into "adult-hood."
- Learned an entire new profession and job that I didn't study for during my undergrad.
- Relearned how to use a compass
- Relearned how to orient myself in the woods, while using a map.
- Learned how to walk with strength, speed, and balance when walking through the woods (off trail)
- Learned tree identification
- Learned how to use a chainsaw
- Learned how to drive and load/unload a quad.
- Learned how to live by myself in a tiny town.
- Learned how to rock climb and boulder.
- Went from having my parents pay for absolutely everything, to financially supporting myself more than I ever have before.
- Learned how to work completely by myself in the woods on a daily basis.
- Learned how to make executive decisions in a profession that I wasn't that familiar with.
- Learned how to survey an endangered species (Northern Spotted Owl).
- Learned how to do stream monitoring for salmon restoration projects.
- Learned (and am still learning) the practice of Silviculture.
- Learned how to navigate the woods at night, by myself.
- Learned how to drive a massive truck, with a 600 pound quad loaded in the back, on tiny, tiny dirt roads.
- Overcame high anxiety.
- Overcame hives and anxiety-induced acne.
- Met new people and developed a community full of some of the most incredible people I've ever met, when I had originally thought I would meet absolutely NO ONE in this town.
- Went to Coachella.
- Am now 100% comfortable with driving in SF by myself (and I do it calmly).
- Was apart of many reforestation projects, and was able to plant hundreds of redwood seedlings.
- Started painting again.
- Started reading for pleasure again.
- Hiked Half-Dome.
- Tried lake surfing.
- Became CPR and First-Aid certified.
- Saw Above and Beyond with incredible people.
- Completed the 100 Happy Days Challenge
- Had my brother return from deployment.
- Had my nephew born into the world.

And so much more. Looking forward to more challenges and adventures in the future months to come.

Power

There is a precious power that lies in human connection; close connections. 

It's so captivating how someone can pull thoughts, epiphanies, and courage from the most hidden depths of your mind and soul. It paralyzes me with tranquility and bliss when someone is able to unleash my fullest potential and my innermost desires, dreams, and concerns. 

Strangers can do this. Family, friends, professors, nature, and even cities can do this... bring out the tangible, exquisite you. 

I consistently try to surround myself with people and environments where this happens. When it does happen -- it feels unstoppable. 

That powerful form of intimate soul-opening expression, living, and feeling is necessary for my existence, for my rejuvenation, and for my happiness. 

Whenever I become reacquainted with people, places, and experiences -- that foster this sense of being -- I realize first and foremost: 

I need to prioritize managing my mental ecosystem.
People need to prioritize managing their mental ecosystems. 

It is OKAY to be "selfish" and take care of yourself. 
It is OKAY to break societal norms. 
It is OKAY to move on from a situation without an apology or closure.
It is OKAY to actively exercise compassion to people.
It is OKAY to ask for help. 
It is OKAY to not have other's approval. 

It is OKAY to do things that YOU WANT to do, for the very sake of it taking care of YOUR SOUL and making YOU infinitely happier. And sometimes, we all need help in doing these things... in remembering that we can do these things: be "selfish," be "different," be "perfectly imperfect." And that's why, it is so important to surround yourself with people who can bring your potential and light out of you,  especially when you're finding it so incredibly to difficult to see and feel certain qualities within yourself.

Sometimes, we all need care and connection from others to help us manage our mental ecosystems, and thus restore our foundations, our levels of happiness, and our openness to the world. 

And that is not only perfectly okay, but it is often necessary. Never forget that value of that power.

So in the mean time... set up your support systems and put yourself in spaces and places where those around you can encourage you, love you, and inspire you when things get hazy.