Your box

I'm listening to a live concert album that I recorded from the day after I met you. That day, I had no idea you'd end up being in my life. 


You're in a box. You say you want out. But you do nothing. You just try to pull me in there with you. I try to help you. And I just get burned. And end up in the box as well. 


It's sad to think that you might just stay there... in that box. And I won't be in that box with you. I might not even be anywhere near it. 


There's only so many times you can wait for someone to grow, or come around. Sometimes, there's a limit on what you can do and how much you can do for someone... They have to want to change, to meet you half way. 


It's just hard to see you slowly close the lid of that box on yourself. I've literally tried everything.


http://ia600708.us.archive.org/23/items/PBB112011-11-02.PBB112011-11-02/09NothingToSay.mp3

Happiness

Here's a great article about what it takes to be happy: 

http://successify.net/2012/10/31/22-things-happy-people-do-differently/

Rainy Night

Norah Jones. Rainy night. By the time I walked home and put on my pajamas, I could already hear the storm outside of my window. My new candle is burning. Pumpkin spice tea. I tried to do homework. But instead I talked with an old friend on the phone. And then wrote quotes on post it notes that now surround my mirror... ways of reminding me to stay positive -- that it's all not so bad afterall. .

It's dark in my room. My browsers are full of links to jobs and internships that have applications due this week and next week. My bed has never felt so great. It's weird having a single. 

I'm still confused. But I'm trying to work with it, and stick to my ideas... hence the post-it notes. 

I just want to do me. And be me. And have that be okay. 

I am

In light of my last post..... 

Enough

I think the biggest battle that people face at UC Berkeley, is feeling like they're not ENOUGH. 

Everything is so competitive here. No one really stops to ask themselves if they're happy or content, or -- if they're not -- what they need to do to feel that way. It's always: you're not good enough, or you're not enough.

I love it here. But sometimes it gets really frustrating to have to constantly fight that mentality. It's exhausting. I just wanna do me, and not be given shit for being who I am. 

I'm tired of people saying: 
- "How's your twig and berries?" (When I'm eating a healthy dinner) 
- "Oh, are you only happy now because you're skinny?" 
- "Did you even learn anything or do any work while you were abroad?" 

This is just some of the stuff thrown my way. And I know, my life isn't that hard. But it sucks when people try to break down the things that mean most to you.

I'm sick of it. 

YES. I like eating healthy. YES. I am happy because I am healthy and I exercise. I enjoy taking care of myself. And YES I worked really hard when I was abroad. I learned a different language, took 6 courses, which included masters courses.

So please, don't try to push me down, because you're unhappy with yourself.