Realization

I have come to the official realization that I need 

a new place, 

a new space, 

a new routine. 

A place to really grow into myself.

This isn't a bad thing; it just means it is time for me to move on and for things to change. 

Places and people come into your life for a purpose, and once that purpose is fulfilled --I truly believe that it is time *and healthy* to move on. 

That's always been something I've battled with: when to stick out something because it's apparently *right,* or when to keep someone around because you supposedly still *love* them. This isn't to say that experiences, places, or people are disposable, because that's definitely not the case. 

But, I think it's important to accept and address when something has reached it's end; to accept when your passion for something feels exhausted... even if social norms or other people tell you -- that what you have in front of you -- is perfect. 

Sometimes, there's a huge grey area between what's considered being ungrateful, and what's considered engaging with your personal self-respect and standards. 

But if you know yourself, and if you engage in mindfulness, you'll know what you truly deserve and what you're actually grateful for. 

Things are in transition right now. Things are hazy. Things are coasting. I'm in between changes, awaiting and looking for the next challenge.

Apology

Last Monday morning, I woke up to my phone going off; my eyes were puffy, tired, and could hardly open. 

"It's still dark outside, how could it already be time for me to get up for work?" 

As I began to slowly wake up, I realized I had received two text messages, and that my alarm was definitely not going off. I was still curious as to what the actual time was.

With every ounce of energy that I had -- and trust me, there wasn't that much -- I reached for my phone and checked the time. 

3:50 in the morning. Damn.

I checked my text messages, and I had received the longest -- and most unexpected text -- from someone I hadn't spoken with in months. 

The text message was an apology. An apology I never thought I'd receive. 

It was raw. It was honest. It was genuinely kind. 

I had made some weird form of peace with the idea that I'd never hear these words from this person. I accepted the fact that maybe they'd never understand me. 

And yet, there it was... presenting me with a form of closure and acceptance I never expected to receive.  

It's so interesting that life can give you closure at the most unexpected times.