Anxious

I'm getting anxious to go exploring again. I want to go somewhere new. Somewhere wild. I want to engage with cultures unlike any other. I want to meet new people and expand my mind. 

I miss the hospitality and kindness of people I met on my travels, and in Bologna, when I studied abroad. 

Today marks 6 months since I've been back from Italy, and to be frank... I don't feel quite whole yet. I know I should have fully transitioned by now, but it isn't so. I think I belong somewhere else. 

Maybe I'm a wanderer. Maybe I'm not meant to stay in a place for long. Or maybe I found my place, and I need to return to it. 

Certainty will never be present, but in the mean time, I can just try to figure out me, go with the flow, and let my feet take me where I need to be. 

Sunrise

Reconnecting with old friends, acquaintances, or people you've had brief encounters with is beautiful. As well as seeing a different, but amazing, side of someone you thought you knew so well.

A group of friends and I hung out yesterday and then sat on the roof of my apartment. Layered in blankets, we sat in a circle and talked about everything. Laughing til we cried, and just opening up about so many things. We all talked for so long, that we started to notice the sun was rising. I haven't watched the sun rise in so long.

Those moments where you hear the city come alive, and you feel like you're one of the only people awake at that moment - as if you're the only person that exists and the world is yours - are completely stunning. You feel so capable and so humble. Especially when you're sharing that moment with other people who you're learning new things about. Just the absolute fact that you all can share that sunrise together, that one sunrise that can never be recreated in that exact form, is so special and so binding. 

And then the sun comes up, and that feeling of ownership diminishes during the day, but you still feel - and know - that the connection is there and forever will be. 

Renewal

When considering a job offer, one of my cousins gave me some much needed job advice, and life insight. Since I first received the offer, I began to wish I could just talk to my future self and hear how I would reflect on my decision 5-10 years down the line, and hear whether or not this is the right job to take. 

I wanted to know:

Would I regret taking it? 

Not taking it? 

Should I wait for something else? 

Is this the right type of job to pursue? 

Is this the right location? 

She didn't give me the answers, or force-feed them down my throat, but merely told me how she would feel if she had this opportunity, and how she would feel if she did, or did not, take the job. 

Us having similar majors, I told her the two career paths I was thinking about taking, and she gave me her wisdom about which ones are more or less accessible. She let me know the reality of each, and didn't sugar coat either one. 

I wish I could describe her words and wisdom succinctly, and remember how she phrased each sentence so eloquently, but there is one thing in particular that I remember her saying: the importance of having a place of renewal. 

Going to Bologna, and being so lucky to have a campus/city/location like Berkeley has shown me how important space and place is in terms of self-restoration and creation. It wasn't until recently that I made the clear connection that making the effort to be in beautiful, calming, and special places, allows you to continue getting through all of the rough patches -- a place of renewal.  

She asked me to think of what my place of renewal was, and see how that aligned with where I saw myself in the next 5 years. I then realized, I have many places of renewal. And that this particular offer -- a year long job amid the redwoods -- would be a beautiful place of renewal for the short term and long term.

So, here's to having a job -- ALMOST -- right out of college, and exploring one of my places of renewal. 

How to explore

Good and Great

In the midst of everything going on, this photo, and this quote is so completely relevant. I have my first real job offer. And sometimes it's weird to pull away from something you know so well, not because you fear change, but because you know you have something so good. But... as the quote says (and sorry to be cliche), maybe it's time to find something great and extraordinary.